Pride

Whoo Boy! Pride: 1. Inordinate self-esteem; an unreasonable conceit of one's own superiority in talents, beauty, wealth, accomplishments, rank or elevation in office, which manifests itself in lofty airs, distance, reserve, and often in contempt of others. Definition found at Cross Map Christian dictionary.

Well It is amazing how quickly I can fall right back into a prideful attitude and damage relationships around me. My last post I was riding high with how amazing God is and how quickly He answered a prayer and how excited I was to go to church then BAM! I got a call late Saturday about teaching in the 3 year old class Sunday morning because a friend had a sick child and her husband was out of town. This gal was desperate, she had emailed her Life Group of over 20 couples and no one responded to help, she had also made several calls but no one would do it, the Children's Pastor told her to call me.............O.K. this is where my old stinkin pride can rear it's ugly head! No one has responded? No one in her Life Group will help? So here i am to the rescue which starts me thinking here I AM. Do you see that transformation? I am not I AM but I struggle with that, I don't really think I'm God but having the attitude of "yes I am all that and a bag of chips" has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion.

When I started my 12 step I knew God was asking me to surrender all of my leadership positions and trust Him to work through others and pray for those in leadership at our church. So I have gotten out of any leader role. I'm serving in a few areas but they are programs and not decision making things. Anyway on Sunday morning I got to church later than I wanted and Breck and I get to our room and not everything is there but kids are already there and running cars loudly on the tables. I figure o.k. boys I've got to think so I say "boys that's too loud lets not do that" 2 comply but one doesn't so when I take the train from him and put it up he begins to bawl loudly. Throwing himself a fit I would say.....in hind sight I should have given him the train and just showed him to put it on the floor and not the table but I didn't and he was not happy. To make matters worse he is used to being spoken to in Spanish.....me no hablo espanol!

Just a little chaotic and I was not in control.....have I mentioned I'm co-facilitating a 12 step now and God has really shown me that I have a wee problem with control. :( So to re-cap pride and control are not two pretty traits to have and can really mess me up. All that to say is I was a tad too critical. I had some expectations and when things didn't go my way well I wasn't too happy and I expressed my dissatisfaction to the gal in charge! Oh how I wish I would have kept my mouth shut and just been grateful that God had allowed Breck and I to spend time with these precious little 3 year-olds. I am finding how completely and utterly dependent God wants me to be on Him and how much I need to be! Because left to my own I can sure make a mess out of things.

I do have to tell you that once I had the lesson and the sheep lace cards, things went really smoothly for the most part! Again isn't God good the lesson was on God loves us and wants us to Follow HIM! The little Spanish speaking boy crawled up into Breck's lap when we sat down to have our story time! They were all so cute and loved sounding like sheep!

I'm grateful for the ministry of CR because God has used it in my life to open my eyes to the things in my life that displease him and I can say I really have experienced such freedom by trusting in Him and throwing off my prideful ways and attitudes! It is humbling and it is my desire that my life will point others to God in a way that is authentic and real not bringing any glory to myself but all to God! This is just a reminder to me that I can't do it on my own I need to yield to the Holy Spirit and follow His leading and not lean on my own understanding. My next little goal is to write down some scriptures in one place so I can refer to them often of verses that really speak to me! Romans 15:7 comes to mind right now! It is a challenge to me but one that I want to strive to meet everyday!

Thanks for reading!